Back Here Again
by poeticgrace
Summary: Jason Morgan never wanted to be back here again, but it's up to him to save his best friend again. Will he save the child that she has always wanted or risk it all to save Carly's life? JARLY.
1. Chapter 1

Jason Morgan never wanted to find himself back here. More than ten years ago, he had sat in this very waiting room, spending hours praying for the best but expecting the worst. He knew the darkness of numerous sleepless nights while you waited for the news that had the power to change your entire life. He knew what it was like to have to make decisions that would determine whether someone lived or died. He had promised himself that he would never be back here, and there was only one reason that he would even think of putting himself in that situation. His reason was in the next room fighting for her life.

He shouldn't have been the one that they called but he was so glad that he was. One call in the middle of night had brought him straight to General Hospital, tears burning in his piercing blue eyes as he sped through the dark streets of Port Charles. There had been too many of those calls over the years concerning her, but he never failed to show up when she needed him. She was the one thing that he could always count on, and the fact that she needed him was the one thing that had kept him grounded. If it wasn't for Carly and the boys, Jason would have left town a long time ago and never looked back. However, his family was here, and that made Port Charles his home. Carly was his home.

"I should know something by now," he muttered to himself, eying the operating room wearily as he waited for word from one of the surgeons. Carly was only two months into her pregnancy, and yet, they were already waiting to find out if carrying this baby meant that he was going to lose her.

Jasper Jacks was pacing the small waiting room a few feet away. Other than Jason and Bobbie, he was the only other one there waiting for word on Carly. Morgan was at Greystone with Sonny, the truth well hidden from the little boy. Jason had offered to keep him, but Carly had begged him to be at the hospital. She needed him there. He was her good luck charm, her sanity. Besides, she knew that he would be climbing the walls if he wasn't there. He needed to be close to her just as much as she needed him.

Epiphany Johnson came out of the waiting room, her surgical mask wrapped around her neck. Her eyes were tired and regretful, never a good sign from the otherwise stoic nurse. Jason jumped to his feet immediately but hung back to wait for Jax and Bobbie to speak with her first. It was still hard for him to respect Jax's place in her life, especially after all the times he had left Carly. However, his best friend was in love with the blonde Aussie and that made it important to Jason.

"Mr. Morgan, can I speak with you privately for a moment?"

Both Jax and Jason were shocked by the nurse's request. Out of the three people present, he was the only one not legally related to Carly. However, all three of them knew that he was the one closest to her, the one person other than her sons that she ranked highest in her heart. He was her family in every way that counted, and in her mind, it made sense that he be the one that the medical team spoke with first.

"Shouldn't you talk to his over with Jax or Bobbie?" Jason asked confusedly. He had no idea why Epiphany wanted to talk to him, but he refused to be the one to tell Carly's mother and husband that things had gone wrong. He wouldn't be able to hold himself together enough to deliver that news. "It can't be me that you want."

"I have very strict orders," Epiphany countered professionally. She was exhausted from the extensive surgery and just wanted to get off her feet. However, the patients always came first with her, and Carly Jax had been especially generous to General Hospital during its rebuilding. Shifting the clipboard from one arm to the other, she looked back up at the mobster and smiled kindly. "Carly's medical records clearly indicate that you are the one to make any medical decisions in the case that she should ever be incapacitated or unable to speak for herself. We need to get you in to talk to Dr. Lee immediately."

He shook his head. "That doesn't make any sense," he disagreed. "You must have an old chart or something. There is no way that I'm still the person of record. She changed that when she got remarried to Jax."

Epiphany glanced down at the chart again. "I'm afraid not, Mr. Morgan," she revealed. "Carly was just in here two weeks ago to have everything updated. Now, if you will just come with me..."

"He'll do no such thing!" Jax exclaimed, springing into action. He was just as confused as Jason was about Carly's inexplicable decision, especially once he realized that she had purposely came to General Hospital to put that criminal in charge of her destiny. He didn't care if Jason was her best friend. Jax was supposed to be the man that she was in love with. "I am her husband, and I will be the one to make decisions for my wife concerning her health and that of our child."

"Again, Mr. Jacks, Carly made this decision two weeks ago to put Jason in charge of her medical decisions. While the husband would normally make those decisions, Carly has a notarized order that states otherwise," she informed him evenly. She felt for the man but was not about to let him throw a fit on her watch. "Jason, please come with me."

Following the woman down the hallway, he was led into a small private office just off the operating room where they had taken Carly. Jason took the only empty seat in the room and cradled his head in his hands. It had been four weeks since he had told Carly that she was pregnant and three weeks since they had learned of all the risks. She had hidden the condition for Jax, only trusting Jason enough to know the truth. He had held her while she cried and confided all her fears.

Jason was the only person Carly truly trusted, no matter how much she claimed to love her husband or value her other friends. He had been by her side through both pregnancies, saving her each time. He had been the one to save her life when she had nearly died giving birth to Michael. Jason had been the one to find her when she had been kidnapped by Ric. He was her safety net, the one pair of arms that would always catch her when she fell. And now, Jason needed her to catch him because he was falling fast, but first he had to make the call that would determine if she would be there at all.

"Jason, sorry to keep you waiting," Patrick Drake apologized as he came into the room and shut the door behind him. "As you know, you're here about Carly. The procedure that we performed was quite invasive and we were able to remove much of the blood clot. However, to keep clots from reforming, we would have to start her on a medicinal protocol immediately. I just spoke with Dr. Lee. She wanted to come in here to speak with you herself, but she is in with Carly right now. Dr. Lee reconfirmed that there are severe risks for the baby if we put Carly on the medication."

"Are you asking me to decide between Carly and the baby?"

Patrick looked down at his hands and frowned. He loved being a doctor most days, but these were the moments that he dreaded. It had been especially difficult since he had almost lost Robin in the wake of Emma's birth. His heart went out to Jason, though he wasn't entirely sure why he was there rather than Jax. "I'm afraid so," Patrick answered. "It was the last thing Carly said before she went into surgery. She said that if anything was to go wrong that you would know what to do."

"Dammit," he muttered beneath his breath, raking his fingers through his sandy blonde hair. Carly had put him in this situation once, and he had made her promise him that she would never do it again. Didn't she know how hard this was? He would never want to do this to her. Then again, she was the only one he would trust to make the right decision for him. "I need to see her first."

"Of course," the surgeon agreed solemnly. Patrick guided Jason down the hall toward the private suite in intensive care. Jax and Jason had both doled out sizable donations to make sure that she had the most comfortable accommodations GH had to offer. Patrick would never tell anyone that Jason had paid more than Carly's husband. "We'll just give you a couple minutes to make your choice. Jason, I really hate to put you in this position, but you need to hurry. Time is critical either way that you decide."

A silent nod was his only reply as Patrick and Kelly left Jason alone at Carly's bedside. It was only once the door was firmly closed that he let himself start to breakdown. Her body was completely still, her beautiful blue eyes closed and her breathing steady and even. He reached for his hand and brought it to his mouth, brushing a kiss over each knuckle. "Carly, tell me what to do."

He could still remember the day he had read the pregnancy test to her so well. The joy and the fear in her eyes had left him feeling every feeling on the emotional spectrum. He was happy that she was finally getting the miracle that she wanted and deserved and terrified out of his mind that he could lose his best friend. He felt selfish when he wanted to ask her to terminate the pregnancy and relieved when she told him that she wanted the child. He was jealous that the baby wasn't his and worried what the loss of another child could do to her.

Jason knew what he wanted to do, what he had to do. Slipping his cell phone from his pocket, he dialed a familiar number and waited for it to connect. He knew that he wasn't supposed to have it in the ICU but he had always been a rule breaker. "Bring Morgan to the hospital," he told Sonny, not waiting for his reply before hanging up again. Their boy had to be there for this. She would need both of them to get through what came next.

"God, Carly, dammit," he cursed, his voice angry but sad. "I told you to never do this to me. Why do I have to be the one person that you trust? I promised that I would always be there to save you, and you sure have kept me to my word. If it was anyone else, I would know exactly what to do. I would refuse to make the choice. I would disappear without another word. But it's not anyone else, it's you. You're the one thing that has always mattered to me, and now I could lose you. Even if you make it through this okay, I run the risk of breaking your heart. I can't be the person that does that, Carly, not again. I know what I have to do. I just wish you didn't have to make me do it."

Her fingers were warm but lifeless in his hand. He would have given anything to feel even the slightest movement. If she was going to suddenly be okay for anyone, it would have been him. He was the one person that she had always come back to. The night she had nearly drown the last time she was pregnant, it was Jason that convinced her to come back from her dreams. "Alright, I can do this." He was trying to reassure himself as much as he was her. "I promised you that I could be that man for you long before I knew what it meant. You're counting on me, Carly, I won't let you down. I can't, can I? It's not just you and me anymore. I have to think about Morgan, too. I just pray that you'll forgive me for this. I'm not sure that I could if I were you."

"I'll be there to help you get through this," he promised, brushing one final kiss over her lips as he stood up to go. "Whatever happens, Carly, I'll be by your side. I love you."

The trip back to the waiting room was the longest walk of Jason's life, one that had seen more heartache than any one man should ever see. Bobbie and Jax were sitting anxiously in the chairs, Patrick and Epiphany speaking softly at the nurse's station. All four pairs of eyes met his as he stepped into the small room.

"I've made my decision," he announced, looking between Carly's husband and mother.

He knew how Jax would take this. It would be the opposite of how Jason would react. While he would save her at all costs, Jax would be concerned about the safety of his child. It was a difficult place to be, and even though the baby wasn't his, Jason still felt that connection to it. It was apart of Carly and that made it apart of Jason. Bobbie, on the other hand, would accept whatever choice he made. She understood that this choice was his. It was what Carly had wanted, what she would have always wanted.

"What did you decide, Mr. Morgan?" Epiphany asked politely.

Turning away from Carly's family, she focused all of her attention on the two medical professionals. It didn't matter what anyone thought. This had to be about Carly. It had to be about what she would want and what was best for her.

"Save Carly's life," Jason answered numbly. "Whatever it takes, just save her life."


	2. Chapter 2

It didn't take long for Patrick and Epiphany to secure the properly signed forms before disappearing back toward the operating room to prep Carly for the necessary surgery. Jason sat alone now in the corner, his eyes closed as he repeated a silent prayer over and over in his head. Bobbie was speaking quietly on her cell phone in the opposite corner, giving her son the latest update as he drove frantically back to Port Charles from his dorm in Boston. Jason had thought about going over to offer his apologies to Carly's mother but he didn't have anything to be sorry for. It might not have been the decision Carly would have wanted to make, but it was the one that Jason knew was right for her. He couldn't risk losing both of them. It would just be too much for any of them to bear, especially Morgan. He had already lost too much, and Jason would not let him lose his mother.

Jax was alternating between keeping an eye on the OR doors and leering at Jason angrily. He knew that he could argue with the man but it would do no good. It would go against everything Carly wanted, and she was supposed to be the woman he loved. He just couldn't fathom what would make her leave her fate in Jason's hands and not his. He was supposed to be the man she shared her life with, but there was Jason at every corner. Jax knew that Jason Morgan was her own personal superhero, the one person she trusted about all others. He would have given anything to be that for his wife, but like many men that had preceded him, he would just have to settle into his proper place behind Carly's sons and her best friend.

"Uncle Jason!" came a high-pitched squeal as Morgan raced into the waiting room, completely ignoring his stepfather and grandmother in favor of his godfather and all-around favorite person in the world. Jason scooped the little bundle of energy in his arms and held him tightly, burying in his nose in his dark locks. After losing Michael and Jake in the course of the same year, Morgan was the only son he had left. It was hard knowing that there were two little boys out there that Jason loved but would never be able to fully have in his life again. Morgan could never take their places but he filled a large part of the empty hole that their absences left behind. "Where's Mommy? Can I go see her?"

Jason looked up at Sonny. The older man's eyes were locked on his little boy. Jason saw the conflicting envy and sorrow in his dark gaze. He was taking this just as hard as Jax was, and Jason knew that it had to be hard to know that he was the one that was making decisions for Carly. As much as the other two men loved his best friend, Jason couldn't imagine anyone ever loving the free-spirited blonde as he had. "They're getting ready to take her in for some tests,, so she's sleeping," Jason told him softly. Morgan didn't seem to understand anything but the sadness in Jason's voice. He hugged the much bigger man as tightly as he could. "Thanks, buddy, I really needed that."

"Mommy would want me to take care of you," he said knowingly. Morgan was too young to understand a lot of things, but he had always know what Carly and Jason meant to each other. His mother had long instilled the value of family in him, and he knew that a lot of that love started with the two friends. "Is she going to be okay?"

He had never lied to Morgan, and he wouldn't start now. Whatever his answer was, Jason knew that he had to be confident in his words to the five-year-old. With his father's dark features and his mother's carefree attitude, Morgan was the best of both his parents. However, he also had a lot of his Uncle Jason in him. While Jason preferred to keep his hidden, Morgan shared his large capacity to love with the world. Carly had always said that her youngest son got his heart from her best friend, and for the first time, Jason could finally see both himself and Morgan through her eyes.

"You're mom is going to be fine," Jason promised. "She's going to come back to us."

"Good because I really want her to come to my soccer game next week. We're playing the blue team, and they're almost the best ones in the league!" Morgan exclaimed, his priorities set like only a small kid could pull off. "You have to come with Mommy to watch me, Uncle Jason, promise me. I always play best when you and Mommy are there. She says everything is better when you're there."

Jason smiled appreciatively at the small secret the little boy had just revealed. Carly had always believed that Jason was her good luck charm and maybe that was why she had wanted him to make choices for her. Maybe she thought that he would bring her luck. He knew that she had better chances if he were near. Just as she had always done for him, Jason gave Carly a reason to fight. "Your mom makes everything better for me, too," Jason professed. "Why don't you go over there and give Grandma Bobbie one of those world-famous hugs you're known for? I think she could use one."

"Okay," he obliged, hugging Jason one last time before bouncing into his grandmother's lap. Bobbie held the little boy, smiling over his head to Jason gratefully.

Sonny came over and sat down next to his business partner. They had been there too many times like this, sitting side by side in a waiting room while they awaited news about someone they both cared about. More often than not, Carly had been the focus of those hours spent holding vigil. "How bad is it?"

"It's not good," Jason answered softly. He looked up at Jax, who was bent over at the waist clutching his hand. He was still waiting for the Aussie to spring into angry action, but he had remained stoic until then. Jason knew that he would have a price to pay if the baby didn't make it; however, no wrath that the blonde could incur on him would even compare to the one that would rage in Jason's heart. "I had to make a decision if they should the baby or Carly if it should come down to it."

"And you chose Carly," Sonny realized aloud. Given the chance, Sonny knew that Jason would always choose Carly. He had chosen her once all those years ago, and yet, miraculously, they had still gotten Michael. While he was sure that Jason was praying for another miracle, his friend was far too realistic to expect one. "Do you think that's what she would have done?"

"Probably not," he admitted to someone else for the first time. "Carly wants this baby so badly that I know what it's going to do to her if she loses it. But I can't risk taking Morgan's mother away from him. It's like I'm saying one kid is more important than the other. Sonny, how am I supposed to know what to do? I don't know why she put me in this position."

"You do too," Sonny argued. They both knew why Carly had chosen Jason. "I don't envy the choice that you had to make, but Carly trusts you more than anyone to know what's right for her. You have helped her make some pretty life-altering choices. You have a way of seeing past yourself to what's right for someone else. Carly wouldn't want to leave Morgan alone."

Jason raked his fingers through his hair. "It's so much more than that."

"It always was with you and Carly."

"What does that mean?"

Sonny looked down at his hands, knowing full well that Jason couldn't possibly be this blind. "The entire time I was married to Carly, I always knew that there was a chance that I could lose her," he revealed. "I knew that as much as she loved me, she would always love you more. I knew that there was going to be a day where one of you would wake up and realize how much you need each other. You are the center of her universe, Jason. You have built your entire life around her. She is what keeps you here. You're what keeps her sane. You guys like to just pretend that you're best friends but I've seen the way you look at each other. I hate that she could never look at me the way that she looks at you."

Jason knew exactly what his friend was talking about. He knew that Carly had dreamed about a perfect baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, one that carried the last name Morgan. He also knew that he had thought about the very same thing. Jason always said that he never thought about things that could be, but that was the one exception in his heart. "She needs to be okay," he murmured. "She has to be okay."

"How's Candy Boy taking this?"

"I think that he knows if he even tries to fight with me here, I will snap his Australian body in half with my bare hands," Jason frowned. "I'm sure he hates me. I would hate me. Hell, I would hate him if he had been the one to choose. Jax would have fought for the kid because that's what Carly would have wanted. I'm not sure what Bobbie would have done."

"It doesn't matter what anyone else would have done," Sonny reminded him. Jason was surprised at how supportive and calm the other man was acting. It was a nice change of pace, something that both he and Morgan needed in this situation. "It only matters that Carly wanted you to choose. She trusts you, Jason. Whatever happens, that just isn't going to go away."

"I'm so scared that she is going to hate me."

It was perhaps one of the few times Sonny had ever heard his partner admit any kind of real fear. "Carly loves you more than anyone other than Michael and Morgan," Sonny retorted. "She's not going to hate you."

"Sonny, I love..."

He held up his hand. "I know. She knows. It's just time that you knew."

"How could I have not seen it before?"

Sonny shrugged. "They say love is blind. You just really didn't want to see it."

"It doesn't matter," Jason shook off the feeling. This wasn't the time to be thinking about this. It was just that life-altering decisions had a way of putting things into perspective. The old cliché of not knowing what you had until it was gone didn't apply here. Jason had always known what he had. He had the whole world in his arms when he held Carly. "She's married to Jax."

"She would follow you anywhere. She'd go and never look back."

Morgan came padding over at the time and climbed back into his father's lap. He turned and looked up at Jason seriously. "You know what I was thinking we should do?"

"What's that, buddy?"

"Mommy and I always say a prayer before I go to sleep that she tells me makes everything all better," he answered. "Maybe we should go to that chapel where we went after Michael went to the hospital far away. We could say that prayer for Mommy and the baby. I think she'd like that, don't you?"

"She would love that," Sonny agreed. "Why don't you take Uncle Jason with you?"

Morgan nodded obediently as he hopped down from his perch on his father's knee and pulled on Jason's hand. Sliding his hand into Morgan's, Jason allowed himself to be guided down the hallway to the small chapel that had recently been rededicated at General Hospital's reopening. It now carried the name of his father, a well respected surgeon who had lost his life in this very hospital. Jason had lost a lot of people here, but he refused to lose Carly in this place. At least not for another fifty or sixty years. They still had a lot of life to live, something he wanted them to do together.

Raised a practicing Catholic just like his father, Morgan crossed himself as he came into the chapel and made his way toward the front altar. Jason helped him light a pair of candles, one for his mother and one for his unborn sibling. Then, the two knelt down and looked up at the beautiful stain glass window that had been commissioned in Emily's honor. The only sound in the entire chapel was Morgan's small voice repeating the memorized prayer he said every night with Carly.

"Amen," they announced in unison. Morgan looked up to see tears in Jason's eyes. He had never seen him cry before and that scared him. "Don't cry, Uncle Jason," the little boy pleaded, standing on his tip toes to wipe them away from where Jason was still kneeling beside him. "Mommy wouldn't want us to cry. She'd want us to think happy thoughts."

"You're right," Jason smiled through the tears. "When did you get so smart?"

"Duh, I always was smart," Morgan rolled his eyes. Jason chuckled as he picked the little boy up and hugged him. It wouldn't be long before he was too old for this, but Jason would soak up the affection while he still had the chance. "Uncle Jason, when Mommy gets better, can we all be a family again?"

"We've always been a family."

"No, can you come play with me more and stuff? I mean, Jax is fun but he's not you."

Jason had to smile at that kind of honesty. "You're going to see me so much that you'll get sick of me."

"No way, not possible!" Morgan exclaimed as they started to walk out of the chapel. "You're mommy's favorite person besides me. She'll be so happy when you come to play with us."

A promise of Carly and Morgan's happiness was all Jason needed to be sure that he had made the right choice. There would be a lot of repercussions to deal with later, and they still needed to get through the next few hours of surgery. However, as he felt the weight of Morgan's little hand in his, Jason knew that this was going to be the second chance that they all deserved. He was going to be in their lives again, even if it meant taking all the extra precautions to keep them safe. He would fight Jax for his family, just as he should have fought Sonny all those years ago. Jason Morgan was going to take back what was his, but first, he needed Carly, his best friend and the love of his life, to come back to him.


	3. Chapter 3

Carly was being prepped for the surgery of her life, and the only thing that Jason could do was sit by idly and pray in a room full of people that he didn't want to talk to right now. He wanted to be at the penthouse sprawled out on the couch with Carly, watching mindless movies while they talk all night and drink beer. It had been months since they had done that, and depending on how tonight went, it could be months before they would do it again. He'd be perfectly happy sitting on a bench in the park with her while they watched Morgan play or laying on that beach she loved so much in Florida. Really, Jason just wanted for them to by anywhere but here.

Patrick came rushing through the door suddenly, the tails of his white coat trailing behind him as he sought out Jason in the packed waiting room. "Carly is awake," he announced, his eyes locking with Jason's. "She's asking for you."

Jax was the first to spring to his feet, Bobbie and Sonny close behind. "Thank you!" the three of them nearly called in unison before the neurosurgeon stepped in to stop them. Jason moved past them all wordlessly, moving as quickly as his feet could carry him. This was the only thing he had been praying for all day. He wanted one last chance to look into her beautiful blue eyes and know that the choice that he made was right. He wanted to be able to tell her that he loved her and that he was sorry that he had wasted all this time. More than anything, he just wanted to hear her say his name and promise him that she'll wake up to say it again.

"Jase," she greeted him hoarsely, turning slightly on her side as he came into the room. Jason was across the room in an instant, kneeling beside her bed as he held her hands tightly to his lips. He kissed each fingertip tenderly, savoring the comforting warmth her skin gave him. "Hey, Jase, look at me."

Carly was surprised to see tears shining in his eyes as he gazed at her intently. It was only then that she was truly scared for whatever was going to happen. Patrick had briefed her momentarily before she had pleaded for him to get Jason. Her best friend had been the only thing she had wanted to see when she had woken up. It was instinctive to call out for him, for her body to react so strongly the way it was now whenever she was near him. Jason was her strength, and as she prepared for the fight of her life, she needed him here.

"It's okay," she said finally, reaching for his hand and squeezing it tightly. She needed for him to know that, to understand that she understood why he'd done what he had done. "I get why you chose me. I don't really know how I feel about it, but Patrick says that it's the only way that we could both survive. I knew that you would do what was best for me, Jase. It's okay. You made the right choice."

Tears slipped from his intense blue eyes, ones usually known for their iciness but now filled so much warmth. "God, I love you, Carly," he murmured. "I'm sorry that I don't tell you that more often, but I know that you know. It's only when things get like this that I ever allow the words to be spoken, but you deserve to hear it all the time. You know what you meant to me, that you and the boys are the biggest part of my heart. That's why you have to be okay, alright? You have to come back to me. I don't care about Jax or your mom or Sonny. You have to come back to your family – our family."

She had waited more than a decade to hear Jason speak to that way again. As much as she had tried to love her husband and Sonny before him, no one would ever compare to Jason in her eyes. Anyone else in her life had always just had to accept coming in second. Jason would gladly come in second just to be in her life, she knew that. However, he had held her heart's first position since the first time they spectacularly crashed and burned that first night at Jake's. In the twelve years since that night, they had never stopped being that same beautiful disaster.

"I'm not going anywhere, Jase," she promised softly. Carly knew that things were going to be different when she woke up from this surgery, whether if it was for better or for worse. She had known it a month ago when she had shown up at the hospital and passed out in Jason's room in the emergency room. She forgot about everything, including her own health, when she found out that his life was on the line. He had stumbled down the hall in terrible pain to get to her that night. That was just how Carly and Jason were. She knew that she had to come back to him. She wouldn't accept anything else. "The baby and I are going to be fine. I am going to come back to you. Just believe in me like I always believe in you."

Jason reached up and tucked a golden ringlet behind her ear before pressing a kiss on her forehead. "I always believe in you," he promised. "You are the strongest woman I know. I know that if anyone can manage another miracle, it's you. I just don't want you to wake up and hate me."

She reached up and pressed a finger to his mouth. "You were the first person I wanted when I woke up. Not my husband, not my mother, not even my son," she pointed out. "Do you really think that I could ever hate you, Jase? You are the least selfish person I know. People always say that you're this cold and unfeeling mobster, but I know better. I know how much you love me and the boys and Jake. I see how the light in your eyes changes when you find me across a room. Even when you wanted to hide it, I always saw it. I'm not saying that I won't be upset if this doesn't go the way I want it to. If that happens. Jase, I'm going to need you more than ever. But I don't want to think like that. I need to be positive. I need you to believe with me. You always told me that I was unstoppable when I want something; well, I want this baby."

He wanted this baby for her too. Even if it wasn't his little girl or boy that she was carrying, Jason already loved the child as much as he loved Michael, Morgan and Jake. There was no difference in his love for any of the boys, and he would love this child with that same fervor and devotion. He loved anything that was apart of Carly. "Everything is going to be okay."

"Thanks," she smiled, hooking her arms around his neck to pull him down to her for a tight hug. Jason embraced her to him, praying that God wouldn't take this woman away from him. He pressed a kiss to her head again as he pulled away. Carly rested her forehead to his, looking into his eyes and seeing hope there for the first time in awhile. He was still afraid. He would always be afraid for her. However, he was also going to believe for her. "I love you, Jase."

"I love you, too," he retorted.

She nodded as Patrick knocked on the door. "You have five more minutes before we have to administer the anesthesia," he told them before closing it again for privacy.

"Alright, I have to tell you a few more things just in case something does happen to me," she stated, wiping at her eyes. She sat up with Jason on the bed beside her. "I've asked Patrick to leave all of my medical decisions to you, per my will. Everything else is accounted for in there, too. The most important thing is Morgan. Of course Sonny would be there as his father, but I need you to bridge the gap, Jason. Make sure that he keeps his ties with Jax. He's important to Morgan. And let him know my mother and brother. Morgan might be Sonny's son, but he has a lot of Spencer in him."

"You'll be here to take care of all that."

Carly nodded and managed a confident smile for his sake. She just had needed to say those words in case things didn't go her way. She had cheated death enough times to know that eventually her number would be up. "And when I do wake up, you are the first person that I want to see. I want to see you holding my son, you got me?"

"We'll be here," he promised. "Not sure that Jax will like that..."

"Jax has left me alone enough times. He'll just have to understand why I couldn't depend on him to be here if I needed these decisions made for me. Besides, Jax knows..."

"He knows what, Carly?"

She knew that she could save this, leave the words unspoken until she was sure that he would return the sentiment. It would be safer that way. Or she could be the brave girl he had fallen for all those years ago and just blurt it out. "He knows that I love you."

"Well, yeah, I'm you're best friend. It's something we've fought about on more than one occasion."

"No, Jase, he knows that I love you."

This time he understood what she was trying to tell him. It was an entirely different way of telling Jason that she loved him. "Carly, we don't need to do this now."

She laughed at him then, knowing how comfortable it was all making him. "If not now, Jase, when? C'mon, we've sat at each other's bedsides enough over the years to know that you only get one chance at last words. I don't want ours to be that we'll discuss how we feel later. I want my last words to you before I have this surgery to be that I love you. That I am in love with you. I almost died last year when I fell into the pier. You brought me back. Your love saved me. It's going to save me this time. Just don't deny it, okay? You don't have to reciprocate it or admit it, but don't deny it. Please."

"I could never lie to you, Carly," he said. "You're pregnant with another man's child, lying in a hospital bed fighting for both of your lives, and the only thing I can think about is how beautiful you are and how much I don't care about any of that other stuff. I loved you when you were married to A.J., Sonny, Alcazar and now Jax I'm used to all that part because I always knew that I had your heart."

"It's time," Patrick announced as he came into the room followed by the entire surgical team.

Jason moved to the side only long enough for the orderlies to lift the rails on the bed before retuning to take her hand as they headed down the hallway. They passed briefly through the waiting room where her entire family was waiting. Even as Jax and Sonny called out to Carly, her eyes remained on Jason. They stopped outside the operating room where Patrick told Jason to say his goodbyes. He leaned down and whispered in her ear so that only Carly could hear, "You have my heart, too."

Carly smiled affectionately as Jason squeezed her hand one final time before letting go. He watched Patrick roll the bed away and the door swing closed behind them. His final words were the ones that Jason knew would bring her back to him. It was his only comfort as he came back into the waiting room. He took his chair in the corner alone again. Now all he could do was wait for her to come back. He just had to wait for the rest of his life to begin.


	4. Chapter 4

It was perhaps the longest three hours of Jason's life before he finally saw Patrick Drake's lanky form come dragging through the swinging door of the operating rooms, his eyes lifeless and his posture defeated. Jason knew immediately that the news wasn't good, but he couldn't tell if he was coming to offer his condolences to Jax or to all of them. Patrick's eyes met Jason and held for a moment before he nodded toward the hallway. "I need to talk to you," he announced as he came into the waiting room. The tiniest bit of relief washed over Jason when he realized that the surgeon was speaking to Jax. It lasted only a moment before he realized what that meant for Carly.

Jason was past Patrick and halfway down the hall before Jax even stood up to hear the bad news. He paused outside the door to Carly's room, watching her through the small glass window as she sat alone in her bed. Her expression was just as numb as Patrick's had been, but Jason knew that she was only waiting for him before she broke down. He knocked once before coming into the room. "Oh, God, Jase," came her choked sob, the only words she managed to get out before he had swept her into his arms.

Wires and monitors be damned, Jason crawled onto the bed next to her and held her quivering body close to him as they both wept openly and freely. "It's not fair, it's not fair," Carly moaned over and over again. Jason had no answers, no way to legitimize and explain the whole thing away. He couldn't promise her that it was going to be okay or that this had happened for a reason. It was hard to find logic in this senseless tragedy. He was as lost as he had been that night when he had held Carly's hand while they held vigil over Michael.

Carly clawed at him desperately every time he moved away even the slightest bit. Jason had always known how fragile she could be, but he had never seen her this broken before. It wasn't fair. Carly had lost so much, and now, she had lost the one thing that had truly given her hope in the last year. "I don't understand," she lamented tearfully, her words barely above a whisper as she kept her face pressed into the soft leather of his coat. "I had faith. I really believed that everything was going to be alright."

He wanted to tell her that he had believed that she wasn't going to have to lose her baby, but a part of Jason had known from the first moment she had told him that she had the condition how this was going to end. Preferring reality to false hope, he had never really been able to convince himself enough to become an optimist. He knew that he had to prepare for the worst because Carly was going to be the one that needed him to save her if and when things fell apart. As much as he had wanted to believe here, he couldn't. He had to be ready when Carly needed him, and right now, she needed him more than she had ever needed anyone in her life.

Tilting her chin slightly, he looked into her blue eyes that were swimming with grief and uncertainty. "We are going to get through this," he promised her meaningfully. He wouldn't leave her side until she could go a minute – an hour, a day, a week – without falling apart. "I am here. I am going to get you through this, Carly. I promise you."

"Maybe this is my punishment for everything that I have done wrong. I guess I didn't learn my lesson hard enough when we lost Michael, huh? I kept lying, kept scheming and doing whatever it took to get my way," she said coldly. Jason hated to see her blame herself. "I've done so many bad things in my life, Jase. Why do my kids keep paying for my sins? I just wanted this. We needed this little girl so bad. Without her, Jax and I are never going to make it. I don't even think we want to anymore."

She had always been a swirling confusion of emotions, but Jason had never seen her this fragmented before. "Carly, this isn't your fault," he assured her. He could tell that she didn't believe him by the way that she refused to meet his eyes. It killed him that she couldn't bear to even look at him. "Look at me. This is not your fault. We've all done things, made mistakes. It's not your fault that you lost this little girl anymore than it is my fault that Emily was strangled. You wouldn't let me blame myself then, and I will not let you do that to yourself now. You still have so many people here that love you, and I am not about to let you go into that dark hole so that they lose you, too."

There were so many things that Jason knew that he would have to tell Carly. He would have to tell her that her husband's brother was one of the people behind the shooting that put their little boy in a coma. He would have to admit that Sonny's wife had masterminded the entire thing. He would have to live with the fact that he couldn't completely blame Claudia. He would have done the exact same thing if someone had grabbed Emily and tortured her the way Sonny had ordered. Sonny would have ordered a hit in an instant if someone had done that to Courtney or Carly or even Jason. The fact that Michael was shot rested fully on Ian Devlin's shoulders, and he was likely paying for that in whatever afterlife he had inherited. It didn't make it an easier to swallow the fact that Claudia and Jerry were walking the earth as if nothing happened while Michael lay strapped to a bed. It was just a situation that was hard, and he feared that there were no right answers for what had happened.

However, before he could even begin to go there, he had to get Carly through this. "Carly, Morgan needs you so much right now. He's lost just as much as you have this year, and you are the one thing that has been consistent in his life. His entire little world revolves around you. I'm not telling you that you have to be strong. You get to scream and cry and mourn this as much as you need to. I just need you to find a way to hold onto the tiniest sliver of light for Morgan," he told her quietly while he stroked her hair. "And maybe it's selfish, but I need you with me, too. I'm just realizing everything that you mean to me and I'm pretty sure that it can't be coming at a worse time. I just need you to hold on so that we can find our way together."

"Kiss me."

Jason looked at her a moment hesitantly. He knew that it was a bad idea, but it was the only thing that she had asked him to do since he'd come here. They might regret it later, but for now, it was what she needed. Tangling his fingers in her long curls, he pulled her as close to him as he could manage and kissed her softly. He could taste the salty tears on her lips as she deepened the moment by turning her head slightly. Her hold on his tee shirt grew even more desperate. Finally, he pulled away reluctantly. He hated that the kiss wasn't about him but about her need to feel anything other than pain.

"Jase, please," she implored as she pulled on his coat sleeve, trying to entice him into another moment.

He shook his head and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You're not in a good place right now, Carly. Neither am I," he admitted. "You just went through something terribly difficult less than an hour ago. You haven't even started to deal with this. I know how much you're going to need me. We can't go there, right now."

They were both reckless to a fault, but it was always Jason that found his head just in time. It was something that she both loved and hated about her best friend. A begrudging part of her knew that he was right, but the biggest part of her didn't care. She wanted comfort right now, even if she was still stuck in this hospital bed. She wanted to forget, to delay the inevitable of having to truly mourn the little girl she had lost. She didn't want to have to think about the fact that her marriage was over. There were a lot of things that she wanted to ignore, and Jason was supposed to be the perfect distraction. It was really unfortunate that he loved her so much sometimes.

She decided then and there that if he wasn't going to give her physical comfort, she was going to have to take the emotional support that he had always given her. He was going to make her deal with it whether she wanted to or not. He would allow her to mourn, sure, but he wasn't going to let her drag it out. Jason was right; she still had Morgan to consider. "Okay, fine," she grunted, knowing that she sounded like a brat. "If you are going to make me deal with this, I guess I should start by telling you what happened. I lost the baby, Jason. My little girl died because I was too stubborn to do the right thing in the first place. I wanted a little girl more than I wanted to live. How is that fair to Morgan? Don't answer, I know it's not. I shouldn't have put you all through this."

"She was your daughter. You were the one who got to decide, just like you are the one who is feeling this the most," he reminded her as he pulled her back against his chest. They both watched as a pair of nurses passed by the door, pausing to look at the two of them on the bed. "What can I do for you?"

"I need to see Jax…"

"Do you want to see him?"

Carly shrugged. Of course she didn't want to see him right now. He would be just as broken up as she was, and she would just start to feel guilty all over again for putting him through this. She had already done it once before when she had fallen from the pier last year. It wasn't his fault that he had stupidly fallen in love with a reckless blonde who had already given her heart away years ago and would never fully love him back. It was just another selfish thing Carly had itemized in her inventory of guilt. "Not really, but he needs to know what's going on," she answered finally. "I owe him that much."

"You don't owe anyone anything, especially not right now," he professed gently, running his fingers down her bare arms until they found her hands. "Patrick will tell Jax everything. I can go get him right now if that's what you want. He is your husband. He should probably be the one who is here with you anyhow."

She knew that he was right, but she didn't care. She had long ago accepted her selfishness, and this was one time she was going to exercise her right to have her way. "No, I want you here," she affirmed. More than that, she needed him here. "I know it's wrong that I don't want my husband. I just…you're the one."

"I know," he murmured as he squeezed her hand. How many times had he called out for Carly when there had been someone else at his side? Through the brain surgery, when he was in jail, after he was shot – she was always the one that he wanted there. As crazy as it sounded, Carly was his sanity. "What else did the doctors tell you?"

"Dr. Lee wants me to have a full hysterectomy as soon as we can get it scheduled," she told him. Her voice was edgy, and he knew that she could start to cry again any minute. "I'm never going to have my little girl, Jase. I can't have any more children. She said that there is no way I could survive this again."

Jason shook off all the imagers of that little blonde girl that he had always held so dear in his heart. If a future with Carly didn't include a daughter, he would find a way to be okay with that. He just needed to know that she would be there. "Then we'll deal with that, too," he avowed. "I'll make sure that the house is stocked with all your favorite junk food. I'll come stay with you to help with Morgan. We'll watch movies and make popcorn."

"I really wanted a little girl."

He looked down at her over her shoulder and nodded silently. "I know that you did," he retorted, dropping a kiss on her forehead. He could feel all the pain that she was. He had wanted this little girl just as much as she had. It was an amazing feeling, to mourn the loss of a child that was never his as if it were his own. "I will find a way for you to have a daughter, Carly. We will have our little girl."

"We? Our?"

There were a lot of details to work out, and like he'd said earlier, the timing was horrible, but they both knew that they were going to be together after this. That was what that whole conversation before the surgery had been about. They had wasted too much time apart to lose another chance after something like this. "Ours," he repeated, emphasizing the word so that she would believe him. It was too soon for it to be anything more than a promise, but it was a dream that both of them could cling to. "I don't care if we have to harvest your eggs and find a surrogate. We can adopt if you want. It doesn't matter how we do this, Carly. I will make sure that we have the little girl that you have always wanted."

"I'm a bad wife." Jason laughed for the first time since he had come there. The light moment brought a smile to her face. "Come on, you know it's true."

"Maybe," he admitted with a smile, "but you're an incredible best friend and an amazing mother. Right now, that's all I'm really worried about. Look, I know I should feel bad about what we're doing to Jax, but I think he kind of figured it out when you wanted me with you instead of him. You're going to have to talk to him. He lost your child with you. I have all of these conflicting emotions about what I should be doing, but that all falls to the side when I know that you need me here with you."

"I'm always going to need you, Jase," she said sleepily. Carly snuggled her head against his chest as she yawned. Sleep was starting to overcome her, her body exhausted from the physical and emotional trauma that the day had brought. With Jason's strong arms entwined around her, she finally felt safe enough to allow the dreams to come. Even if she had a nightmare, he would be right here waiting for her.

When he was sure that Carly was asleep, Jason allowed himself to doze off. There was no leaving her now, not that there ever had been. As his own dreams came, he saw images of himself with his family, walking through the park with Carly and the boys and their little blonde girl. He saw the life that he had always wanted, the one that he was meant to live. He saw what he knew now to be his future, the life that they were finally going to live.

The only thing Carly and Jason didn't see as they slept in each other's arms was a shattered Jax watching them from the hallway, knowing full well that he hadn't just lost his child today. He had lost Carly. He had lost his family. Jax wasn't sure that either had ever really been his in the first place. Maybe they had both always belonged to Jason. It would only be a matter of time before Jason and Carly were together. They had found their way back here again.


	5. Chapter 5

Carly woke up wanting to believe that it had all been a horrible nightmare and that her life would be what she had before she went in for the surgery. However, as soon as her eyes focused on the bright fluorescent light hanging over her bed in the small hospital room, she knew that her worst nightmare had become her reality. Her only comfort was the tight embrace of Jason's arms around her. She knew he was watching her even before her blue eyes met his. She tried to muster a brave smile but found herself on the verge of tears instead. Jason seemed to sense her emotional struggle as he leaned down and pressed a comforting kiss to her forehead.

"How long was I out?"

Jason glanced at the wall hanging opposite the bed. "Just a few hours," he answered as her hands slipped down to meet his on her stomach. Only a few days before, Jason had sat next to her in the lobby at the hotel, her hand forcing him to touch her abdomen as she tried to convince him that the baby was already kicking. Now, there were no signs of life beneath their entwined hands. There was only the emptiness from the life that had been lost.

"I want to go home."

"I know you do, Carly, but there is no way Dr. Lee is going to let you out for at least a few more days," he reminded her soothingly. He knew better than to argue with Carly when she got like this, but there was no way they were going to release her. He might be able to convince his mother to pull some strings and get her out tomorrow, but she was going to have to spend at least another day at General Hospital. "I think that you just need to hang here for another day and give yourself some time to heal. The doctors still need to monitor you."

She didn't want to be here, constantly watched be doctors and nurses who were used to seeing loss day after day. She wanted to be home at her cottage, sitting in the nursery where she could cry without having anyone scrutinize her every move. She wanted to see the pink sleeper sets and the chenille teddy bear that Jax had picked out in that shopping extravaganza the day after he found out that she was pregnant. It was the only way Carly really knew how to deal with it.

"I know what's going on in that head of yours, Carly, and I am not about to let you go home and hole up in the nursery so that you can drown in your grief. You're not going to be able to be on your own. You are going to need Jax and Mercedes to help take care of you."

She shook her head adamantly. There was no going back, not after what she had shared with Jason tonight. She had grieved with him over the loss of her child, one that belonged to another man. It spoke volumes that she never asked for her husband. Her marriage was over, just as it had been for months. "I am not going home to Jax."

"Okay," he agreed, not asking any more questions. Carly would tell him more when she was ready. "You can come stay with me at the penthouse. I'll take some time off and stay home with you. If you don't want to uproot Morgan, I can come stay with you guys at the cottage. Spinelli will help out when he can. He's great with Morgan."

"Jase, I can't just ask you to stop your entire life..."

"Carly, you are my life," he shook his head, looking down at her. "How can you not know that by now? All of this doesn't work unless you are with me. I promised you that we were going to get through this. I hardly see taking time off from work to spend with you as a burden. In fact, I can't think of a better way to spend the summer than hanging out with you and Morgan. We could even go down to Florida like we talked about. I'll even do a road trip if you want. We can pack up the SUV with Spinelli and Maxie. Morgan loves hanging out with them. I will do whatever you want as long as it makes you happy."

Carly laughed lightly as she considered her best friend's offer. "You must really want to cheer me up if you're offering to take Maxie with us to Florida."

"She makes Spinelli happy," he shrugged. While Jason could barely stand the blonde, he appreciated the relationship she shared with Spinelli. Most people failed to see the good in Maxie, something she shared in common with Carly. "Besides, I know that you would get bored with just us guys around. At least she could talk to you about fashion or whatever if she was around."

"I could never get bored with you around," Carly reminded him genuinely. It was true. There was never a moment where she didn't feel so completely alive when she was in his presence. Even now, when her heart was heavy with burdensome grief, she could forget it for a moment as she dreamed about a perfect summer with Jason and the boys. "Maybe we could go away for a few weeks. I don't want to be away from Michael for that long, not with the surgery coming up."

"Not that I don't love being here with you, but do you want me to go get your mom or Jax?"

She sighed heavily. She knew that she should want to see them. They probably wanted to see her. "Can we have just a few more minutes?"

"You can have whatever you want, Carly."

"You better remember that, Jase," she teased. "I plan on taking you up on that."

"Please," he taunted her back. "Like you aren't already aware that you have me wrapped around your finger."

A mischievous look gleamed in her eyes as she entertained thoughts of all the thing she could get him to do. "Yeah, I know," she relented finally as he kissed the top of her head again. "Will you go get Morgan? I'd really like to see him."

"Sure, I can have Jax or Bobbie bring him in," Jason offered. He felt guilty that he was the only one who had seen her still. "I don't want to leave you, but I know they have to be worried."

"Have my mom bring him in. Jax and I need to have a private conversation, and I don't want Morgan to be around when that happens," she shook her head. "I'm not strong enough for that, Jase. Please, don't make me."

Her voice was shaking as panic set in. She was actually afraid that he would make her deal with this before she was ready. Little did she know that Jason would wait forever if she needed. Her time line was his time line. "You don't have to do anything, Carly. C'mon, you know me better than that," he whispered as he took her in his arms. "Listen to me, you are going to have to deal with it at some point, but I am not going to let anyone pressure you until you're ready. Okay? You got me?"

"I don't know, Jase," she drawled. "Do I have you?"

The question held so many meanings. "Carly..."

"Please, just answer me."

"Of course," he whispered. "You've always had me."

"I mean it, Jason, do I really have you?"

"You know that you do."

"Good because I am going to need you," she retorted softly. "Ugh, this is moving so fast."

He would hardly call twelve years fast, but he understood her point. "Then we will slow down."

"No, I don't want to!" she countered automatically. "I mean, well, I don't know what I mean."

"It's okay, I understand."

"You do? Because I don't understand," she laughed humorlessly. "You're always doing that, Jase. Getting me when I can't even understand myself. I'd bet that you already know exactly what I want, but you're not going to tell me until I figure it out."

"I can't change your life for you, Carly."

She shook her head as a sly smile spread across her lips. "See, that's where you're wrong, Jase. You've already changed my life in a million different ways. You're doing it right now. I could be completely falling apart right now, but you're giving me the faith that we're going to make it through this. I believe in myself because I believe in you. I know that you won't let me fall too hard or too deep."

Jason cupped her cheek and smiled at her affectionately. There wasn't anything in the world he wouldn't do for that woman. "I want a life with you, Jase," she promised him. "We just have to in on our own time."

"I'm not in any hurry. I've waited this long to have you in my life and I could wait a little bit longer," he proclaimed. "You know what I love about you? You come off all tough and strong, but there are times when I still see that little girl inside of you. I love that vulnerable little girl from Florida who just wants everyone to love her just as much as I love the strong woman who has stood by my side every day for the past twelve years."

"I've made so many bad choices, but you still love me any way. You always believe that I am doing what is best, that I'll make the right decision for me. All I have ever wanted is this right here, you and me," she murmured as she buried her face in his chest. "You're the only person I have ever had a song with. You're the only man I have ever called my best friend. You are the one person I have been able to count on every single day. It has to mean something, even if the timing isn't great. Damn, this is hard."

He tangled his fingers in her hair and drew her closer to him. "I know it's hard, Carly, but we have gotten through so much worse," he reminded her. "Losing a child never gets easier, I can't even fully say that I know what it feels like. I know that I mourned Sam's baby as if it was my own, and you know how crazy I am about the boys. I guess the closest thing I have is losing Jake, but even that isn't like what you just went through. I know that my son is going to get to have the best life possible with Elizabeth. I wish I knew what to do."

She wanted to tell him that Elizabeth was crazy if she thought Jake was going to have a better life without Jason, but she knew that the timing wasn't good. It would never really be good to approach that subject. Instead, she leaned forward and kissed him intently. "You're doing just what I need."

_Author's Note: I know that the chapters are sporadic, but it's been hard to find inspiration to keep this story up. What do you guys think? Should I keep writing or have you lost interest? Let me know what you want because I want to write a story that keeps the readers interested. I might get better at updating more often if you guys really want more of the story. Leave a review to let me know._


	6. Chapter 6

It had taken more than an hour to convince Jason to leave Carly and then it had only been to retrieve Morgan from the penthouse where he had been staying with Max, Milo and Mercedes. Without Jason or Sonny nearby to watch over the little boy, Jason had decided that sending him back to his armored penthouse was the only way he could ensure that he was safe. Even more importantly, he wanted to be able to tell Carly exactly where her youngest son was when she woke up.

He had kissed her long and hard before he left, almost as if he was afraid that if he didn't take his last chance that another would never come for them. Carly knew that they had built a safe haven in her hospital room after the surgery, putting up walls around the two of them like they were prone to do whenever anything bad happened. Sonny, Sam, Elizabeth, Jax... the list went on and on of people who had been a victim of their unbreakable bond. No one had ever been able to be on the inside of the relationship, not even Sonny. It was a hard place for anyone to be, but it was just something they had to accept if they were going to be in Carly or Jason's life. They would always come first with each other. It was a promise made a long time ago, one of the few that both of them knew that they would always be able to keep.

That was what Carly was thinking about when she finally saw Jax standing outside her room, pacing the hallway. She felt guilt wash over her as the Australian stopped and peaked inside at her. He managed to muster a smile for her, one that she returned. "Hello, how are you feeling?" he asked cautiously as he came into the room. Carly smiled and promised him that she was fine. "I'm sorry that I haven't been in to see you sooner, but Patrick wouldn't let anyone else back until Jason left."

"Come on, Jax, we both know that I should be the one apologizing," she said weakly. He slipped into the chair that Jason had abandoned only a few minutes before. She tried not to recoil when he reached for her hand. Carly allowed him to hold in limply, but it almost repulsed her to touch him. She had always been so attracted to her husband, but it made her feel physically ill to be intimate or affectionate with someone that wasn't Jason. She had gone to sleep in that procedure one woman and woken up some entirely different. "I'm sorry that this didn't go the way you wanted it to go."

Jax shook his head and leaned over to kiss her forehead. Carly's eyes slipped shut, trying not to scream at him to stop touching her. He was her husband. He was supposed to be the one to comfort her. It wasn't fair that she couldn't mourn the loss of their child together. Jax deserved so much more than she could give him. "It was never about that, Carly," he assured her. "I just wanted for you to be okay. I knew how much you wanted this child. As your husband, I just wanted to make sure that your wishes were seen through."

"I knew that if anyone else made the decision, there would be some selfish intent behind it. Jason wouldn't do that," she said unapologetically. If she couldn't tell him that she was sorry for what she had chosen, she would at least explain it to him. "I know that it's hard to believe that he could be objective about it, but I knew that he would weigh out everything in my life. He would look at the boys and my family and what I would want. I'm not sure what choice I would have made, Jax, or even what you would have decided. I just knew that Jason would know what to do for me."

"I'm your husband," he said softly. It wasn't the first time he had to point that out with his wife. He had spent the entire first year of their marriage reminding her that he was supposed to come first with her and not her best friend. "You are supposed to trust me to make those choices. I am supposed to be the one fighting for my wife to live."

"You knew that Jason came along with me whenever we got involved. I haven't once hidden how much I need him or what he means to me," she reminded him. "I was going to lose this baby either way, Jax. I didn't want to place that burden on you to have to choose. I couldn't do that to my mother, either. Jason would want to take that on as his own so that I wouldn't have to feel guilty. He would want to make the choice for me so that I wouldn't have to worry about anyone else. I'm sorry that hurts you, I know that it's not fair. It's just what I had to do. For you, for me, for everyone involved."

Jax looked down at his hands and shook his head sadly. "When are you going to love me as much as you love him, Carly? I keep waiting for it to come. I keep thinking that this is going to be the thing that she turns to me for, but I am always wrong. You always run straight to him. Why is it always him?"

"Because he's always been there," she answered honestly. Her voice was soft but strong. She was confident in what she had to say. "He's the only one who has always been there. He has never left me to chase after his psychopath brother. He's never disappeared without an explanation. Jason has always put the boys and me first. Even when I was being completely selfish and it was to the detriment of his relationships, I knew that he had me."

"I can't apologize for that over and over again. It's not fair after all the mistakes you have made. You shut me out after Michael was shot. You told me that if I couldn't believe in him that I should just leave. It didn't matter that when Jason told you that you were going to have to come to terms with it that he got to stay. It didn't even occur to you to make him leave."

Michael was the one breaking point with Carly that she wasn't willing to negotiate. "You were not there the night that my little boy was shot," she said evenly. She felt her muscles tense as her blood pressure spiked under the stress. "You weren't there to keep me together when I wanted to fall apart. Jax, I know why you were gone and I get how much you loved Michael, but it's not even close to being the same. Michael loved Jason more than anything, do you get that? He is just as much his father as Sonny is, not you. He loved you. He really did. But I couldn't sit there and listen to you not support him or me when you weren't there."

"Even if I had been there, we both know that you would have sent me away," he shook his head. "Kate and I were pushed to the outside immediately. At least Sonny tried to keep her around. He needed her. You didn't seem to have any need for me. Jason was the only one you would let in, the only one you would listen to. How do I compete with that?"

"You don't. You can't," she acknowledged. "Look, I'm not saying that any of this is fair. I just know that if it weren't for Jason, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have my boys. I wouldn't have been able to hold it together that long. He's the one person that can keep me from spinning out completely."

"You love him."

She lifted her chin and met his eyes. "You know that I do."

Jax rubbed his hands over his face. He had no idea how they had ended up here. One minute, Carly was hiding her pregnancy and the next minute, she was lying lifeless in a hospital bed. A few hours and one very big decision later, Dr. Lee told him that he had lost his child. He should have known that the doctor was really telling him that he was losing his wife. "This is too fast, Carly."

"Jax, you knew before you walked in here that we couldn't go back. This changes everything."

"It doesn't have to," he insisted. "We've gotten through so much more."

Carly closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew what it was like to be desperate to fight to hang onto something. She had been like that with Sonny and even with Jax at one point. However, every breakup got to a point where there wasn't anything to hold onto anymore. The only thing that really connected them now was grief, but even that wasn't something she wanted to share with him. She felt like that belonged to someone else. It belonged to Jason now, along with her heart.

"I don't want to get through this, Jax," she said finally. "Not with you."

He ripped his hand away from hers and stood up. Up until now, he had held onto a tiny glimmer of hope. He had thought that maybe if he could just break the spell that Jason had cast, she would see the man that had loved her knowing that he was always going to be second best. "It's really over, isn't it?"

"I know that I am moving so fast. I haven't even started to deal with everything. I just know that when I do and it all starts to register, you aren't going to be the one I want around. You deserve to have someone that would want to turn to you, but that's never going to be me. I'm not Alexis, I can't confide in you the way that she does. He's the one that I need right now to make it through. Jason is the only one who knows how to deal with me when I'm like this. I wish I wasn't doing this to you."

"Then don't."

"It's already done," she said dismissively. "I am not coming home to the cottage when they dismiss me. I can't turn to you and have you take care of me."

"Then go to the hotel," he urged her. "What's the point of owning a five-star hotel like the Metro Court if you can't take advantage of a full staff to meet your every whim? We can set you up in the penthouse with nurses. Mercedes will be there to take care of Morgan. We can figure this all out. You don't have to do it alone."

She grimaced at him, hating how he was grasping at straws. "You know that I'm not going to be doing it alone, Jax." Her tone was irritated and the tiniest bit condescending. "Morgan and I are going to move into the penthouse with Jason until I get back on my feet.. I don't know what we're going to do from there. I just know that is where I need to be right now."

"Carly, why the hell are you doing this to me?!?" he nearly screamed as he started to pace her room again. His voice was frantic and desperate, borderline angry. "I don't understand how you can act like you don't even care that our baby died. You are just sitting here talking about Jason as if tonight never happened. Our marriage is falling apart! Why do we have to do this now? Can't you just wait until you start to deal with this before you figure out how you feel about it? Maybe Jason just filled your head with these lies that you need him and that I can't help you. I don't get how it changed just like that!"

Jason heard the high pitched squeal of her heart monitor even before he made it to her room. Morgan was with Sonny and Bobbie in the waiting room. He had intended to retrieve the little boy after making sure that Carly was presentable enough to see him. Instead, he found Jax yelling at her. "Jax, you need to get out," he said through gritted teeth as he rushed over to Carly's side. Her heart was pounding out of control, and Jason had to get her calmed down. "I mean it, Jax, get the hell out of here!"

Fear was the only thing that drove Jax from the room as Jason sat beside Carly. He pushed the hair back from her face and looked into her eyes. "Okay, we are going to count to ten because we have to get your heartbeat back down, Carly," he told her calmly. He started to count out loud while keeping his eye on her monitor. "One, two, three..."

"He hates me, Jase," she wailed. "It's all my fault."

"None of that right now," he ordered her. "You need to focus, Carly. Can you do that for me? I need for you to calm down because Morgan is out there, and he wants to see his mother. Do you want him to see you this upset?"

She shook her head. "Of course not."

"Good, then, let's count," he told her again. "One, two, three..." Carly counted the rest out lout with him in unison, taking deep breaths between each number. He stroked her cheek until her breathing had evened out and her heart had lowered to a more sustainable rate. "That's my girl. Just keep breathing."

It took a few more deep breaths before Carly felt strong enough to speak again. "Thanks, Jase."

"Hey, you're not much good to me if you're not here for me to love," he teased before taking her hand again. He looked into her eyes as he started to play with the ring on her left index finger. He slid it off without a word and sat it on the nightstand beside the bed. That was Jason's small way of staking his claim. He brought the hand up to his lips and kissed the spot where the ring had been. That was his promise that he would replace it with something of their own some day soon.


	7. Chapter 7

"I need to know when I can get pregnant again."

It was the first question that Carly asked when Kelly Lee came to do an examination a few days later. Her surgery scars were healing well, and she was starting to feel more like herself by the minute. Jason had barely left her side in the three days since the procedure, waiting for the full weight of everything to finally settle in. He had a sinking suspicion that it wouldn't totally hit her until she came home for the first time and saw all the remnants of the nursery that were strewn around her cottage. He had thought about having them removed before she came home, but he could still remember how angry Sam had gotten when he'd shut up Lila's nursery after they'd lost her. Jason had to let Carly deal with this in her own time and in her own way, and he wasn't about to remove the baby's things until she asked him to take care of it.

Now, as she was prone to do, Carly was getting ahead of herself and pushing for this miraculous recovery that probably just wasn't going to happen. Even if she could get pregnant again, everyone knew that there was a chance that this would happen all over again. If it didn't, there was an even better chance that Carly wouldn't be able to live through that kind of strain and pressure on her body again. With Michael's surgery just around the corner and Morgan growing up by the day, now wasn't the time for her to start taking risks. In Jason's mind, there would never be a good time for that, but how could he ask for that? He risked his life every single day by living the life that he did, and Carly's reasons for wanting to be a daredevil weren't nearly as selfish as his. She wanted to bring a new life into the world, something he was sure was for the both of them. As much as he would love to have another child that was just theirs, he wouldn't lose her. He needed her more than they needed another child. They'd already done pretty amazing with the first two, and biology just didn't matter to him.

"Carly, I will tell you the same thing that I told you yesterday when we talked about this," Dr. Lee said patiently. She had been Carly's doctor for three years now and had seen her through the loss of her first child with Jax. She knew how determined Carly could be when it came to getting something that she wanted, but she was concerned with the dramatic emotional reaction Carly seemed to be having to the loss. Kelly hadn't been around long enough to understand the connection her patient shared with Jason Morgan, so to her, it seemed crazy that she was clinging so tightly to another man. "Your body is not going to be able to handle another pregnancy for quite some time, if ever again. You may have to deal with the very real possibility that you could have to have a full hysterectomy. I know that I recommended that to you already, but I cannot force you to have the procedure. I suggest that you take some time to think about it, but please know that if you try to get pregnant again, you will almost certainly lose the baby and could very likely die as a result."

The doctor made a few more notations on Carly's chart before sliding it into the slot next to the door and excusing herself to go check on her other patients. As soon as the door was closed behind her, Jason had turned his icy gaze on Carly. "You are not going to get pregnant again," he insisted firmly. He had never been the type of man to tell a woman what to do, but he knew that Carly listened to him. "I'm serious, Carly, you can't do this again. I don't care if it means that we never have sex if you don't want to get a hysterectomy. I am not going to let you risk your life for something that probably isn't going to happen in the first place. We can figure something out."

"Jase, that's not your choice!" she whined, crossing her arms over her chest. She hated when he used logic to distract her from what she wanted. The only thing she had ever wanted was a child with her best friend, and now that they both finally had their heads out of the sand, she wanted to try to make that dream a reality. "We both know that you aren't going to be able to resist me once I get you home alone and behind closed doors. Don't you want a child with me? Come on, we could have so much fun trying to make it happen."

He sat down on the edge of her bed and took her hand in his. "I have a pretty good tolerance with you, and we both know that I can control myself when I need to," he reminded her matter-of-factly. "The thing is, no matter how much I want to be with you, I want you to be healthy and alive even more than that. I'm not saying that you have to decide this all right now. You know that I want us to have more children, but there are so many kids out there that need a good home. We could give them that, Carly. I don't have to lose you to have our little girl."

"I just wanted to do this for you, with you," she sobbed quietly. Up until now, she hadn't really had to deal with the fact that she would never carry another child. Morgan had been her miracle child, and she thought that she could pull another one off. It was hard to swallow the fact that she wouldn't. "I wanted to divorce Jax and have this whole life with you. I wanted to be able to give you everything that you ever wanted, you know? It's not fair that we always lose, Jase. This should have been our chance, and I couldn't even get this right."

"First of all, I am not going to let you blame yourself for this. You didn't cause it, baby, you did everything that you could to keep this baby safe. Sometimes things just are," he assured her gently as he cradled her close to his body. "Secondly, I don't need a baby to get our chance. We have it, right here, right now. Look at us, we're finally together. You are the only thing that I have ever wanted. Holding you, I hold everything. I have the most blessed life just to have you look at me with those eyes so full of love. You have two amazing sons, these great kids who you have let me know and love. Michael is going to get a second chance with this surgery, and Morgan is already so much like his mother. I can't think of anything more that I could ever want, Carly. You have me your heart and your family. I'm the one who should be trying to give you more."

Carly was quiet for a few moments as her eyes fell shut. As long as it was like this, just the two of them, she knew that nothing could go wrong. However, he had total faith in her and their life together. He believed that Michael was going to get better and that they were going to build the family that they'd always wanted. If he could just keep believing, she knew that they could get through this. "When do you think we can get to the Dominican Republic to get that divorce taken care of?"

Jason laughed as he kissed the crown of her head affectionately. "I think we should let the American legal system work its magic so that we have time to just enjoy being together. It'll only take a couple months, and by then, you'll be healed and we'll have Michael back. When that's all over, I am going to marry you in front of God and our children and our families."

"Promise?"

"Promise," he retorted as Carly turned in his arms. Their lips met in a long and tender kiss, one filled with so much promise for a life that they were going to live together. "We need to decide what you are going to do with this though, Carly. If you are willing to go through with the procedure, you can do it while you're here so that you have time to heal before Michael's surgery. If you don't want to do it, we can get you home this week so that you can get settled."

She peered up into his eyes and wondered what she should do. As much as she wanted to believe that she could defy the odds, it suddenly didn't feel so worth the risk. She had always felt like she needed a baby to keep her marriage with Jax together, but with Jason, they had enough love and trust to sustain them for so long. It wouldn't leave them now, not when they needed it most. "You think I should get it done, and I trust you more than I trust even myself," she relented finally. "I'll talk to Dr. Lee when she comes back and make arrangements to have the surgery scheduled. You have to promise that you're not going to leave me, Jase. I am going to need you so much after this."

"I'm never going to leave you," he pledged quietly as she settled back against him. "We can have a few of your eggs harvested and frozen. We'll find a surrogate when you're feeling strong enough again. If that doesn't work out, we can look into adoption. Whatever it takes, I promise that I am going to make it happen. Don't worry about that. Just focus on feeling better so that you can come home to the boys and me. Spinelli is eagerly anticipating your arrival at the penthouse."

She smiled affectionately at the mention of the young computer hacker. "Morgan has been having so much fun hanging out with him at your place," she told him. "I think he's really missed having an older brother, and Spinelli seems to fit that role."

Jason loved her even more for loving Spinelli the same way that he loved him. He was half like a little brother and half like his son. He was one of the few people that Jason thoroughly trusted and actually looked forward to seeing at the end of the day. He might ramble and drive him crazy sometimes, but Spinelli's heart was the most genuinely good Jason had ever seen. Jason had recently bought a large plot of sprawling grounds not too far from Sonny's home. No one knew about it, not even Carly. His plans were to build a big house with plenty of room for all of them. He was even going to build a smaller second house for Spinelli out back. Now that he finally had his entire family, he wasn't about to let it break apart. However, there would be time for that later. They had to get through this first.

"I have a surprise for you," he announced. "Guess who is coming for a visit?"

Carly racked her brain for a moment, trying to think of what blast from the past that Jason could have trudged up in a vain attempt to cheer. When no one failed to come to mind, she shrugged her shoulders. "Who?"

"Lucas."

"Jase, really?" she squealed excitedly. Lucas had been in England this part year studying at Cambridge and taking in the best that European culture had to offer. She had missed her younger brother terribly, although they hadn't really been as close as they should be. Still, since his year overseas, they had stayed in constant contact. "How did you manage to convince him to come home?"

"It wasn't that hard when he heard that his older sister needed him," he assured her. "Your mom is going to pick him up from the airport in the morning. I think she loved me about as much as you do when I told her that he was coming back."

"Yeah, we've both missed him a lot this year. So much has happened, but we've always told him to stay there. I have to admit that I could really use my little brother around right now," she confessed as she hugged him tightly. Just like always, he knew what she needed. "Morgan is going to be thrilled. He has been asking when he was going to get to play soccer with Uncle Lucas."

"I know, I thought that we would keep it a surprise. I figured he could use some good news too," Jason smiled as he thought about the little boy. "I love that kid."

Carly nodded knowingly, "He loves you too."

"We're going to be happy, Carly," he promised.

"I know, Jase," she replied with a kiss. "I know."


	8. Chapter 8

"Uncle Lucas!"

The flash of dark hair whirred past Carly as Morgan took off in a full sprint into the arms of his beloved uncle. Carly wasn't that far behind, wrapping two of her favorite men in all of the world in a tight embrace as Jason watched on from just outside the gate. Bobbie was supposed to pick up Lucas, but when an emergency came up at the hospital at the last minute, Jason was the first one to volunteer to get him. He knew how much this visit mattered to Carly and Morgan. They could use some good news, and nothing could be better for either of them right now than Lucas.

"God, I've missed you so much!" Lucas cried as he squeezed Morgan tightly and reached over the little boy to kiss his sister on the cheek. Carly looked amazing for a woman who had just lost her child. He knew that she wasn't really supposed to be out of the hospital yet, but between having a mother for a head nurse and Jason's mother as chief of staff, she had her ways of getting what she wanted. "I can't believe how big you're getting, Morgan. Before you know it, you're going to be teaching me a thing or two about soccer."

"You have to see the new goals that Jason set up in the backyard. He's not very good at playing, but he's been trying ever since Mommy was in the hospital. You have to teach him how to tend the goal, though, he totally sucks," Morgan giggled.

"Don't say that word," Carly chided him as she mussed his hair playfully. Jason came over to take Lucas' bag so that he didn't have to try to balance his suitcase and the little boy that was busy climbing all over him. "Why don't you go help Jason find Uncle Lucas' other bags while I catch up with him?"

Morgan took off after Jason, excited to get to help push the luggage cart Jason had managed to track down after a pair of senior citizens abandoned it. Lucas turned to Carly as she paused to rest and catch her breath. The walk to the terminal had taken a lot out of her, and it was hard for him to see her struggling. "Are you feeling alright, Sis?"

She mustered a smile as she nodded slightly. "Just still getting back on my feet," she murmured as he reached out and hugged her fully. "I'm really glad you're home, Lucas. I mean, Jason has been amazing, but I feel like I have to be strong for him and Morgan. It's just so hard. Jax hates me, and I can't say that I blame him. With Michael's surgery scheduled for next week, I really appreciate you taking your finals early so you could be here."

"You know that I'm here any time you need me, Carly. We haven't always been as close as we should have been, but you're my big sister. No one is ever going to love you like I do," he grinned. It was true; the love between them was unconditional. It simply was. "And Mom says that Jason has barely left your side ever since the two of you got back together or whatever. I'm really glad that you two finally figured it out. I liked Jax and everything, but we all always knew that Jason was the one."

"Yeah, I guess that the two of us just didn't want to risk it because we were afraid of losing everything," she smiled affectionately as her eyes found Jason's in the busy airport. Looping her arm through Lucas', she allowed him to escort her back toward her best friend and son so that the family could make their way outside to the waiting limo.

It was a short ride across town to Bobbie's brownstone, where they dropped off Lucas with a promise to meet the next morning for breakfast. Morgan was going to spend the night with his grandmother and uncle, giving Jason and Carly their first night alone together in years. She didn't want to go home to the cottage that she still shared with Jax, so she went with him back to the penthouse. They came into the living room to find Spinelli and Maxie sprawled out on the sofa. Jason started to grumble when he saw the two jeopardizing their night together, but Carly was happy as she tucked herself on the couch beside Spinelli and helped herself to the popcorn. Junk food and bad movies were two of her favorite things in the entire world. He actually ended up getting pretty into it himself as the unlikely foursome dined on cheesy snacks, frozen pizza, barbecue chips, beer, flavored sparkling water and beer. Maxie was even made more bearable in Carly's presence. It was the first time in a long time that he felt like he had a real family.

It was nearly midnight when he looked up from the movie to see the row of people on the couch dozing. Carly's feet were thrown up on the coffee table, Jason's black leather coat over her lap as a blanket. Spinelli and Maxie were curled up together beneath a blanket. He smiled at the three of them affectionately. He never would have thought that these people would matter him in the way that they did, but he knew that he would give his life for any of them. Spinelli was like his younger brother sometimes and his son others. Maxie occupied a place all of her own, with a role that was undefinable but important. And the way that he felt about Carly, well, that went beyond words.

"C'mon, Spinelli, you need to either get Maxie upstairs or send her back to her apartment," Jason muttered softly as he shook the younger man awake. Spinelli wiped aimlessly at his eyes before nudging Maxie gently. She mumbled something incoherently but accepted the outstretched hand Spinelli was offering as he helped her up the stairs. Jason figured that he would just add two more to their breakfast reservations. He couldn't really imagine having that kind of family breakfast without them there anymore. Once he was sure that they were in the pink bedroom at the end of the hall, Jason lifted Carly into his arms and carried her to his room.

Depositing her gently in the middle of his bed, he perched on the edge of the mattress and pulled off her heels. Tossing them carelessly to the floor, he went about discarding her jeans and cardigan sweater. Dressed in only her boy shorts and white tank top, she was absolutely beautiful. He quickly rid himself of most of his own clothes before crawling beneath the blankets beside her. Carly muttered something in her sleep as she rolled over instinctively into his arms. Placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, Jason whispered goodnight to her and allowed sleep to overtake him.

They both managed to get a few hours of sleep before Carly woke up in a panic. She wasn't sure where she was at first before she realized that Jason was next to her. She'd been having another one of her nightmares, a recurring dream that had haunted her since the night that they'd lost Michael. Jason couldn't count the number of nights his cell phone had rang in the middle of night when she couldn't sleep or didn't want to.

"What is it, baby?" Jason asked without even opening his eyes. He reached for her body in the dark and pulled her to him. Her shaking frame stilled in his embrace. "Did you have that dream again?"

"This surgery has to work."

"It's going to work," he confirmed. The truth was that there wasn't really any way to know for sure, but he was confident that this was going to be the miracle they'd all been waiting for. God just wasn't cruel enough to take both children away from her now. As strong as Carly was and as strong as Jason could be for her, he wasn't sure that they could survive any outcome other than a recovery for Michael. Patrick had tried to warn them, reminding them over and over again not to get their hopes up. However, Carly refused to listen to him. Just as she had the night Michael had been shot, she refused to believe that they would have anything other than the best possible outcome. "Have a little of that faith you keep telling me about."

"Today was a good day." He took the quick subject change to mean that she didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Lucas looks really good. I didn't realize how much I missed him until he stepped off that plane. Morgan adores him, too. It's good for him to be around someone like that. I know how much he misses Michael. And tonight was nice, too, just hanging out with Spinelli and Maxie. I'm really glad that he is going to live with us, Jase. He's changed you, made you almost softer. You didn't have to care about him, but you do."

Jason smiled as she curled even more into him. "Yeah, it kind of reminds me sometimes of how it was when we first met. Only it's different obviously," he tried to explain. Spinelli had come into his life at just the right time when both he and Sam had needed something to care about. Carly had been that for Jason after the accident, when he wanted to run from everything and everyone who had known Jason Quartermaine. It was simple with her then, though he had no idea how entwined they would be come. "He has been complicated but completely loyal. I guess he's more like you than I realize sometimes. And Maxie, she has him just as wrapped around her finger as you have me."

"And you wouldn't have it any other way."

It wasn't always like that, and they both knew it. When there had been a Courtney and a Sam and an Elizabeth, it had been hard to have Carly come first in his life. However, no matter who else had been there, she had always been first, and Jason wouldn't change that for anything. "So I've been thinking..."

"About?"

"You're married to Jax still."

"Formality," she sighed dismissively. "We both know that Diane can take care of that for me."

"She's already started on the paperwork," Jason admitted. He hadn't really asked Carly, just hoped that she would let him do this for her. "Are you going to marry me some day?"

"I'd marry you any day, Jason Morgan," she told him in the dark as she rolled on top of him. She wanted to be with him in every way possible, but Dr. Lee had made it clear that it would be weeks before they could take things there. For now, it was just nice to be like this with him. "You know what I really want to do?"

Jason laughed in the dark, his chest rumbling against hers. "Yeah, I know, but I don't think that we can do that yet," he teased as he traced his fingers over her spine lightly.

"Mmm, well, that wasn't what I was talking about, but trust me, I'm counting the days," she ribbed him back. "Actually, I was thinking about how I would like to go sit out on the balcony with you and look up at the stars like we used to when Michael was a baby."

He didn't say anything as he rummaged around in the dark and tossed her a pair of sweatpants. Finding her hand without the light, the two of them made their way downstairs and to the deck off the living room. Settling into the lone lounger that Spinelli had dragged out there in a cheap ploy to watch Maxie sunbathe, they turned their faces towards the heavens and took in the night sky.

"You amaze me sometimes."

"Me?" Jason asked softly.

Carly nodded, her cheek brushing against his. "You can be so quiet sometimes, but when it's just you and me, you open up so completely."

"Everything I have ever thought and felt over the past twelve years belongs to you now," he told her. "I waited all this time to tell you everything, and now that we're both being honest about how we feel, I just want to make sure that you get all of it. I denied the truth for so long, and I don't want to do that anymore."

"Careful, Jase, word is going to get out that you're not as tough as you pretend to be."

"Everyone knows that you're my only weakness," he replied as he kissed her shoulder. "Carly, after Michael's surgery and he's awake, I really want you to marry me."

"Promise me?"

"I promise."

"Just us and the boys, Spinelli and Maxie," she decided. "Bur you have to tell Sonny."

Jason chortled as she grinned up at him over her shoulder, her blue eyes dancing in the moonlight. "Fine, but you get to tell the Quartermaines."

"No fair!" she cried. "I'll take Sonny."

"No way, you can't change your mind now."

"You're infuriating!"

"This coming from you?"

Maxie was standing a floor above them, smiling to herself as she listened to them banter playfully. She knew that this must be how she sounded when she was with Spinelli, completely happy and unaware of everything else around her. Just then, she felt his arms slip around her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder. "Come back to bed," he pleaded.

"Listen to them," she replied. "They sound really happy."

"Stone Cold finally has his Valkyrie," Spinelli told her. "That is his ultimate happiness, just as the Fair Maxamista is mine."

_Author's Note: Sorry I've been away so long, I promise to try not to do that again._


	9. Chapter 9

Michael woke up sixteen hours after his surgery. With Carly and Jason sitting quietly outside his room, bent over together in a mutual vigil, their brilliant little boy with his flame-red hair and ambitious spirit pulled through and gave them another miracle. Maybe it wasn't the same one they had been searching for weeks ago when Carly had lost her baby, but she had found a way to make peace with that. She could never replace one child with another, but she knew that she was lucky to have the two amazing boys she'd been blessed with. There could be a little spitfire blonde running around some day, her pigtails following after her as she chases her big brothers in the front yard. Carly hadn't given up home on that yet. But for now, she was glad to hold her son in her arms and look over his shoulder to see a relieved Jason smiling down at her with tears glittering in his blue eyes.

They became something else entirely during those precious weeks of recovery. Carly visited every single day, often only chased out of his room by a well-meaning nurse who wanted to abide by hospital rules. Jason was never too far behind, alternating his days with a few hours in the office before hanging out at the hospital for the entire afternoon. Video games had been brought in, movies watched. Morgan visited his brother every day for some much needed brother-to-brother time, a precious hour that Jason stole Carly away so that they could just be alone. Morgan didn't quite know they were together yet, but Jason knew that Michael was starting to suspect that something was up. Jax had only come by a few times to see him, and those visits had been incredibly tense. Despite all that, his mother seemed happy, and that was all that really mattered to him.

Carly was sitting in a chair that day when Jason stepped off the elevator, a fashion magazine spread open on her lap but clearly ignored. Her eyes were fixed on the door to the rehabilitation room where Michael was relearning how to use his key muscles again. His progress was impressive, if not miraculous. Still, Patrick and Monica had cautioned them repeatedly about getting too overjoyed about his current state. One false step could cause a major setback, and they all needed to be prepared for things to go either way. Jason decided that he could be the realist for both of them because there was no talking Carly down from her faithful high. She was just sure that Michael would be playing baseball by summer's end, his muscles strong enough in time to sign up for soccer in the fall.

Her eyes danced beneath the glow of the dull fluorescent lights as she rose to greet him with a kiss. The magazine fell forgotten to the floor when she buried her face in the crook of his neck and reached for his hand to pull him toward the door. Carly had taken to watching him through the two-way mirror in the observation room, the place usually reserved for doctors to monitor their patients in the aftermath of an accident or surgery. However, normal rules didn't apply given their family's combined power, and Carly was allowed to use the room as her own private gallery. She only came in there when Jason was with her, afraid of what she would do if she had to witness tragedy alone. As long as he was by her side, she knew that the world wouldn't collapse around her. However, one minute in there without Jason and she feared that both she and Michael would both fall down.

"He's doing better, don't you think?" she asked hopefully, her eyes meeting Jason's in the faint reflection of the window in front of him. He only nods slightly before allowing his gaze to return to Michael walking between the parallel bars in front of them. Their boy was doing better, much better actually. His steps were less stunted now, and he rarely yelped in pain anymore. There was still a certain tension in his shoulders as he walked, and Jason noticed how he would bite down on his bottom lip every once in awhile when he lifted his arms. He could relate to that stiffness and how feeble it felt to not be able to do the most basic things on his own. Even eating had been a chore when he woke up, let alone walking and moving around. Michael was pulling through like a champion, a perfect example of his survivor mother, risk-taker father and solid uncle.

With her hand pressed to the cool glass, Carly felt relieved when Jason slipped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. "He's doing alright, Carly, you don't have to worry anymore like this," he promised her before turning her around in his arms. "Your mom is going to come by and sit with him this evening. Morgan is over at his friend's for a sleepover. You and I have the house alone tonight, and I plan on making the most of it."

Jason had become insatiable in their time together, not that Carly was complaining. She allowed him to kiss her briefly before looking back at Michael. "I want to tell them," she decided aloud. "Soon."

"Michael already knows," Jason pointed out. He knew that this conversation had been coming. He'd seen Michael's awareness a few nights ago when they were all telling him goodnight, and Jason reached for Carly's hand automatically as he led her toward the door. He'd probably done it a million times, but Michael knew that this time was different. "Morgan isn't exactly clueless, either. We're talking about living together. I think they've caught on."

"But they don't know about the wedding yet, and no matter how much I love you, Jase, they come first with both of us. That was a part of the deal a long time ago, and it's still very much a part of it now," she reminded him. "I want to tell everyone – my mom and Lucas and Lulu. I want your family to be begrudgingly happy for us only because they love you and adore the boys. I want all the things that I really never deserved to have but I'm going to get anyhow."

Raking his fingers through his hair absently, Jason couldn't believe that he was about to say this. "I want that too," he allowed before nodding again in confirmation. "Forget that night alone. Morgan didn't really want to go over there, anyhow. I kind of talked him into it."

"That's about the most selfish thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth," she grinned in amusement, glad that their roles had reversed, if only for a minute. They were all used to her not stopping at any lengths to get what she wanted, but Jason had actually guilted a child to spend time with her. It was oddly sweet, though she still gave him a reproachful glare for good measure. "But I'm glad you said it because I really want to tell everyone. You still have to tell Edward, though."

"Tell Edward what?" Sonny asked as he let himself into the room. He had left his pregnant wife at home for once, knowing that Carly and Jason would likely be at the rehab session too. Things had been tense since Michael woke up. Carly hated that Michael liked Claudia, and Jason still had some very viable suspicious about the brunette vixen. However, Sonny seemed to care about her for some reason and liked having her around. If nothing else, she was pregnant with his child, a little sister or brother for Michael and Morgan, and so they tried their best to get along amicably to relieve the stress.

Jason looked at Carly. She bit her bottom lip for a moment, reminding him of Michael's intense concentration when he was working hard to take that next step. That's all this was, their next step in a very long walk down the aisle. "Jason and I are back together."

"Back together?"

"Yeah, he and I are back here again," she confirmed. Unlike last time, however, she wouldn't bend to his angry demands or empty threats. His words wouldn't affect her like they once had and still did even a few months ago. "And we're getting married. You're the first one we told."

Sonny twisted the gold band on his left hand nervously, the cool metal sliding against his warm skin. "When did this happen?"

"It's been going on for awhile. I know that you knew," Jason announced. He hadn't said anything since Sonny had come in. He wasn't sure how his friend would take it but he was sure that he didn't care. "I asked her to marry me just before Michael woke up. We only just decided that we were going to start telling people. I'm going to pick up Morgan in a few minutes. Our plan is to tell them and the rest of the family tonight."

"Michael just woke up," Sonny said, stating the obvious. "Don't you think that this will be a little stressful on him?"

"Not anymore than your marriage to Claudia," Carly shrugged. "He loves Jason. Michael will be happy for us. If he can manage it, you might try it yourself."

Sonny thought about reminded his supposed best friend that this was his family, but they weren't – not really anymore. She hadn't been in his wife in a handful of years, and while he would always love the boys and be their father, Carly deserved to have a whole family of her own. He had started to build that with Claudia, however that was going to turn out. "Congratulations then."

"You sound like you actually mean that."

He was surprised that came from Jason and not his ex-wife. "I do actually," Sonny proclaimed. "I just want Carly to be happy and safe. If it's with you, well, at least it's not Jax. Speaking of which, aren't the two of you technically still married?"

"Our divorce was filed three days ago."

"So just like that, you're moving on?"

"I never really moved on, and that's what this is all about," she smiled softly, her eyes meeting Jason's in a longing gaze. "Sonny, I know it's weird. Believe me, it still catches me by surprise sometimes. I can't believe that after all this time, we finally figured out what we wanted and that what we want is still each other. It could have been anyone else except that it wasn't. You and I were never meant to last, we both know it. Jason and I make sense in the same weird way that you make sense with your bitch of a wife."

Sonny brushed his hands through his hair. "You can't even compare Claudia and me to you and Jason."

"You're right, she can't," Jason spoke up. "I actually love her. I consider myself lucky that I get to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. She's not some convenience or a play for power. It's not an arrangement. It's an actual relationship. Look, you expected us to accept what you wanted with Claudia. We both hated it, but we have tried to deal with it. We didn't get a say in that. I'm not going to stand here and let you think you have a say in this."

"I just..." Sonny had loved Carly for a long time, and even now, with her hand resting on his best friend's wrist, he loved her still. It wasn't a convenient or traditional kind of love. It was completely toxic. "I just need some time to get used to this."

"Well, in the mean time, I want to take Carly and the boys to Florida in a few days," Jason told him. He wasn't asking his permission. He was simply telling him. "The divorce should be finalized by then. We are going to get married."

"We are?" Carly nearly squealed as Sonny snorted, "You are?"

"Yeah," Jason said as Carly grinned at him, "We are."

Everything else kind of went away as Carly's arm looped around Jason's waist and dragged herself to him. In just a few days, a matter of few dozen hours, she would be standing with the most important men in the world on some beach, promising to spend her life committed to this family. She didn't need a ring or a license or anything else to solidify it. It was cemented the moment Jason danced with her in a dingy bar a dozen years ago.


	10. Chapter 10

Six days later, six tired souls padded off a privately chartered airplane and straight onto a sandy beach promised to chase away all their worries. With the warm sun surrounding them like an old friend, Jason and Carly led their boys along with Maxie and Spinelli to a private cove where a preacher was waiting to unite them all in marriage. Carly understood that when she accepted Jason into her life, she was also taking Spinelli and Maxie under her wing. Jason knew that loving Carly meant loving both Michael and Morgan. They both welcomed the challenge happily, thankful that this was the new form their family had taken. And as the sun slipped below the horizon, Jason leaned his new bride back slightly and captured her mouth in a kiss filled with so much promise and hope that he could barely breathe. They were finally married.

Afterward, they found themselves sitting around a fire, marshmallows roasting as they laughed about old memories and dreamed about the new ones they would create together. Carly caught Maxie's eyes across the dancing flames as she leaned back against her best friend. She knew that they would be back here some day again, celebrating the marriage between Spinelli and the lively blonde. Even if it meant having Robin as an in-law, she wanted Spinelli to find his in Maxie. They had found a way to love each other beyond all convention, and that was something that didn't just come along every day. Carly should know; she had spent the last twelve years looking for it only to find it exactly where she had begun. She just hoped that they didn't waste all that time searching when everything they had ever wanted was right there in front of them.

"Mommy, you looked really pretty today," Morgan murmured as he shifted in her lap, resting his head tiredly on her shoulder. It had been a long day, a long week and a pretty long year. When Carly and Jason had told him that they were getting married, he had been confused. He had insisted that they were already married because they loved each other. Needless to say, it hadn't been very hard to convince the little boy that this was a good thing. He was excited that Jason was going to be around more but was mostly just happy that they were going to the beach. "Do you think that we can get up early tomorrow and ride in the boat? Daddy said he would let me drive next time we go down to the island like Michael gets too. Jason promised that he would give me lessons!"

Carly looked at her husband – she still loved thinking and saying that – and shook her head with a faux sense of disapproval. "Well, I'm not sure that you are old enough to drive the boat, but I guess there isn't much harm in trying it out. What do you say, Michael? Feel like going out on the boat tomorrow?"

Michael looked up from where he was shoving a marshmallow on a roasting stick and shrugged. He had pretty quiet since the wedding. He had been happy for Jason and Carly. Jason had always been the center of the boy's universe, even more than his own parents. A part of him had always known that Jason would end up being his stepfather, and their marriage was just a formality. "That sounds like fun," he decided before returning to his snack. Carly could see how tired he was. The doctors had assured her that a few days away with family would be fine as long as they were closed to a hospital in case of an emergency. He would return to GH upon their arrival in Port Charles and start another stringent round of physical therapy. It was difficult but not impossible. This was something that Jason reminded her every time she watched their little boy struggle to take a step or stop to catch his breath.

Morgan yawned deeply, something not lost on Maxie as she looked over at the little boy. "Starting to get sleepy there, Morgan?" Maxie called out before briefly smiling up at Carly. "Why don't you two come back to the house with Spinelli and me? He brought his new video game. We could play it for awhile until you're ready to go to bed."

The youngest Corinthos boy was on his feet in an instant, toddling over excitedly toward Spinelli, who lifted him easily into his arms. Michael shrugged apathetically again, but Jason could see the excitement in his eyes. Their oldest boy was struggling a little bit in finding himself in this new version of his world, but Jason knew that he would find his footing. He would figure out a way to deal with the kid he was and the young man he was starting to become. "I guess that would be okay," Michael told Maxie before stopping to kiss his mother chastely on the cheek. "Good night, Mom."

"We'll be back to the house before too long," Jason promised the pair of young adults before leaning up to hug Morgan. "It won't be too late."

"Take all the time that you need," Maxie assured him with a wink. Jason was still uncomfortable by the blonde's boldness, but he appreciated everything that she had done over the past month. No one had been a bigger fan of their reunion than Maxie. Even when Jason would come home from the hospital after watching Michael struggle through physical therapy, a part of him had worried that his lifestyle would sent Carly or the boys back there again. Surprisingly, it had been Maxie that reminded him that he would never make the same mistakes that Sonny had. She knew firsthand; she trusted him every day to not only keep her safe but also Spinelli. "We'll get Morgan into bed, and I'm sure that Michael can find his way."

"Yeah, I can," Michael agreed almost happily, ducking his head when the pretty blonde reached out to ruffle his red hair. Jason knew that Michael had the slightest crush on Maxie, especially since she fawned all over him and paid him sweet compliments. "Night, Jason."

"Good night, Buddy," he called after them. Carly and Jason watched as the four shadowy figures made their way up to the house, a pair of guards trailing far behind as to not disrupt the happy family portrait. When he was sure that they were both out of earshot, he turned and looked at his wife lovingly. "Man, I am a lucky guy."

"And see, I thought that I was the lucky one," she murmured before leaning in to kiss him long and deep. She pressed her forehead to his when he pulled apart and smiled against his lips. "You know that you made all my dreams come true today, right?"

His hands threaded through her hair, finding their rightful home in the tangle of the golden locks. If this night was all they ever had, Jason knew he had lived a better life than most people could ever imagine just to have her look at him like she was looking at him now. "I think that you might just be the best thing that ever happened to me, Caroline Benson," he smiled. It had been a long time since anyone called her that. "I get to spend the rest of my life with you."

"It's Carly Morgan," she reminded him happily, loving the sound of it as it rolled off her tongue. She had used the name many times in the span of her life, mostly when she was trying to hide something. However, now his surname was rightfully hers, and she vowed in that moment to never let anything change that. "I want to talk to Diane when we get back to Port Charles, get your name on paperwork for the boys. You can't adopt them because of Sonny, but I want to make sure that you have rights."

"Let's not talk about anything else but us right now," he told her. "Tonight is about us."

"It's always been about us," she corrected him. She knew that there would be a lot to deal with when they came back to New York. They had only managed to sneak off to Florida without any further familial interference when she had promised to let the Quartermaines throw a reception for them at the mansion when they got home. Bobbie had been a little bit more understanding but equally disappointed when she realized that she wouldn't be there to see her daughter get married for what she knew would be the last time. Lucas had been mostly quiet but promised to save his sister a dance at the grand affair Monica and Edward would undoubtedly plan and Jason would definitely hate. The way that she saw it, it was a very small price to pay if it meant getting to have this day, this night, him.

"Love you, Carly," he muttered as he kissed her neck and then the hollow of her collarbone. She tilted her head to give him greater access before looking over at him with hooded blue eyes. "You are still so beautiful."

"I have a surprise."

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. Carly reached for her straw bag and handed him a sealed envelope. "What is this?"

"Just open it," she prodded him with a smile. He slid his index finger beneath the flap and started to tear before leaning forward to kiss her again. He had no clue what was waiting him inside the envelope, but he could sense how important it was to her. To them.

He dropped the envelope to the sand before pulling out a single folded sheet of paper. He started to read the typed words on the piece of letterhead from General Hospital, his eyes darting over Dr. Kelly Lee's careful signature on the bottom. It was a document confirming that not only could Carly get pregnant but that she already was. They had slept together exactly once, the night that they finally decided that they were really going to be together after she got out of the hospital. It was against doctor's orders, but she had needed to possess him and he had needed to give himself to her.

"That's impossible."

"No," Carly shook her head. "It's a miracle."

The sharpest hint of tears welled in Jason's eyes and he dropped to his knees and placed his lips on Carly's flat stomach. Her hands cradled his head in his lap as he nearly worshiped her womb. The faint breath of his whisper tickled her skin as she listened to him make promise after promise to a child that was barely more than a kidney bean at this point.

"I..." he stammered. "How?"

"Kelly said that she doesn't know how it happened but that it definitely did," she smiled radiantly, her blue eyes shining in the pale moonlight. "After I got yelled at for doing something that we shouldn't have, Kelly did a full assessment of my health and the baby's. Everything looks good, Jase. You're going to be a father."

And eight months later, when Jason held his perfect little girl for the first time, he remembered that moment on the beach as just yet another that changed the entire course of their lives. Emily Jean Morgan, named for the aunt that would have adored her and the grandmother that did, was the perfect meshing of mother and father that they had always dreamed of. With her father's icy blue eyes and her mother's impressive set of lungs, Emily made her presence known from her first moment on earth. Morgan and Michael were the perfect older brothers, doting on her incessantly as they sat next to their mother and gazed down at her. Lulu and Spinelli were chosen as the godparents, with Lucas and Maxie serving in very honorary roles.

That evening, after Spinelli and Maxie had taken the boys back to their new house for the evening and Emily was asleep in her bassinet in the corner of the hospital room, Jason crawled into the bed next to his wife and held her in his arms. They had been there three times now, three beautiful children to show for it. One son had been his brother's and the other his best friend's. This little girl was his, but really, all three children had always been Jason's in every way that mattered. He would love them all equally for the rest of his life and then long after in the memory of his children and grandchildren. \

Nearly a year ago, Jason Morgan hadn't wanted to find himself back here again, sitting in a hospital room while he watched Carly sleep. He had watched her struggle for life with Michael and Morgan and all the other children she had lost along the way before they had finally found their perfect little Emily. He had known the darkness of a life without her, what it was like to make decisions that changed lives. He had done that more than once, including the night he had chosen to save his best friend at any cost. He had once promised himself that he would never be back here again, but he was glad that this was the one promise he hadn't been able to keep. There was only one reason he would ever want to break a promise to anyone, and his reason was asleep, where she belonged for as long as she would stay there, safely wrapped in his arms.

**Fin.**

_Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who has read this story and enjoyed its very long journey. I especially want to thank Sara for her continued encouragement and the high standard of writing that she sets. It always gives me something else to aspire to._


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